Kowhai seed

The kowhai tree is native to new zeland. It has yellow flowers. It has brown pods. It has nectar for native birds. It grows by the river. 

*1 pluck a pod off a Kowhai tree.

*2 Shred a lump off the pod.

*3 Pull out a seed and get some sand paper.

*4 Sand on the brown side NOT yellow side.

* 5 Place seed into warm water.

*6 Wait 3 day's then take it out.             

*7 Get a gardening cup. Scoop soil to where 

the curved thing in the pot.

*8 Poke a hole in the soil to half way.

*9 Install the seed into the hole then smother the 
soil over the seed.

*10 Give it some water every day (just a tiny bit) and put it outside in the sun. Bring it inside at night so it can have warmth and not die.

*11 Wait 2 week's then maybe it will sprout!!!

Who is it?

Is it a he or a she? It has a little strip of fabric around it's NO NO zone. And it has lot's of hair on it's chest. BIG mouth.
It is  nasty, dreadful, bloodcurdling, revolting. Tiny dark evil eye's are in the center of it 's head.
It is sooo old like 800 year's(An old killing antique weird). Baggy pant's I call it.(because it is fat because all of it's blubber all over it's tummy). It's all beated up TOTELY! This is how it chat's?
"Hello do you wanta cupa tea"? Orrrrrrrr? "I is globleing up chiddler's from Sweden for the sweet and sour taste"!!! 

Who could in the world could it be?